IDENTIFY YOUR CONFIDENCES - -- - - - -- - -
FIRST PRESSING
works of expressionism are not candidates for input, external valdiation, notes, production or direction.
once the raw is edited, it is no longer what it was.
would-be directors, producers, they want to burn in that lightning, but they simply never could.
they can trace soot. they can sell prints. they misunderstand.
but i, i cannot agree to input. to framing. and i burn for it, a second time, in the vein only revealed in a moment.
- -- -- -


OUTSIDE
i don't need this to be heard.
i don't need them to believe me.
i watch another sky crack open.
my spirits all carry me.


an oracle told me
through timestamps as a web as a moire as a screen
through rgb and mesh and resolution she cried for us in 4
an oracle told me
my guide is a protector, a male, an eternal father
i have felt him many times
i have felt him at my side
he was angry, in the bark of the trees that watched
in the trees that watched over me as i was drugged, barely awake,
he knocked my hand
he spilled a poison
he revealed a darkness in eyes
of a new earthling
just another earthling
he did all he could to yell at my atoms
my atoms dancing and trying not to sleep
my chemistry, weeping
my only body, terrified
he was there.

he was still there, in me, in the morning
when i checked my softest skin
when i looked inside crudely,
when i understood, balmily, as bathwater,
yeah, i didn't evade this man
i had the scum all over to tell me that no,
i was not able to evade this man


in my echoes and in my chambered torture,
i think i heard his name was Phaedros
i think it may be the only man who will ever love me
in my mind, forever


MOTHER
i had my own room
in an alcove
my mom had a computer desk


i would listen to the sounds of her hitting the keys,
the plastic clacking so softly into me
i would feel every syllable so soft and so comforting

in the kitchen, in overcast 11 am
it was never possible to reach her

my mother was in the hairbrushes
and in the wooden spoons
and in her long, acrylic, sharp, hard hands
and in my mouth i learned to never show
in my eyes i learned to keep on floors, so many floors
but all the same i reached for her in lulls in shadow


the shadows are blue - please dont shut the door